Garden Design: Designed to Handle the Toughest Thoughts

Almost 2 decades ago, working in my garden, I spent much time praying for 3 quite ill friends.  By the end of the year my lesson was clear, Pray for G*d's will.  They were all dead.

Late this spring a text arrived in the early morning hours.  An extended family member, age 50, was dead, suicide.
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Something new to take into my garden.
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I did not like her yet knew where those odious parts of her personality arose.  In her teens I witnessed the train wreck passed off as 'parenting'.  An entire family melodrama, for decades, her parents ensorceled their clan into tacit approval yet the ridiculous cliche was true, The king wore no clothes.
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We were the only 2 at Lake Rabun, she had her 3 dogs, I had my 2.  Slept late, swam, played with the dogs, boated most of the afternoon, a picnic for lunch on the concrete dock, sunburned, it was dark when we sat in the kitchen, champagne + canapes, for dinner.  Is there any better chaos than 5 dogs in a small kitchen and cold champagne?   Casement windows & French doors wide open, it rates, still, as one of my favorite all time good dinners.  Total laughter
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Before calling her brother I made a list of all the validation points he would need to hear from me.  A good person he suffered the most, after her, in collateral damage from her raising.  And he tried many times in many ways thru the years to help her.  Only to be treated shabbily by her in return.  A long call, he meandered of his own volition thru each of the validation points I had written.
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A text last weekend, he had received the coroners report.  Conclusively, suicide.  Is her headstone at the cemetery yet?  With no more than that he knows what I'm asking,  Will you meet me at the cemetery when it's there?
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Married 30 years, I couldn't live with his alcoholism anymore.  Divorced almost 2 years, we will meet at the cemetery whenever.  No one can blame another for their drinking yet I know his family dynamics contributed greatly.  Sham parenting which bullied all those around into silence, Emotional Blackmail, Be complicit she is fine our parenting is fine.
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In my garden I realized she was one of the best at rescuing cats/dogs, I wish she had known that.  Our champagne dinner and all the pets she rescued, it's enough to remember someone with a smile.
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Garden & Be Well,     XO Tara
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Sham parenting?  They did everything John Rosemond says not to do, aka, give a man a fish dinner or teach him how to fish.  Her parents merely fed her fish.
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Pic via Gervais de Bedee.